Golly

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She slept quietly
Her head nodding slowly forward
Like an old man
Dozing in the middle of the afternoon
While watching golf

But eventually she would wake up
And slowly make her way down the hall
To the bedroom
To sleep again
On the blanket
On the bed
Pushed against the wall

Soon she wouldn’t awake
The shadow would come over her
She would sleep forever
In the land of tiny little balls
That would roll forever across hardwood floors

 

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Scary Big Steps

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As a child
They had to learn to sleep alone
In big beds
In empty rooms
Lit only by soft night lights
That cast strange shadows across the walls
I could understand
Why they were upset
They were small
And life was big
Comforts of warm bodies
In the middle of the night
To hug and hold onto to
Was a hard thing to let go
They would cry
Sitting up in bed
Staring at the door
Wondering why they had been left alone

They needed to know
That sometimes
You have to be scared
Because taking big steps is hard
But I would always be standing outside their bedroom
Pressed against the wall
Listening for their call
They always thought I had left them
But I was waiting
I never left
I was there for them even if they didn’t know it
Ready to rush back in when the fear was too much
And seemed to be overwhelming

As a child
They would walk down the hall
Toward their classroom
I could see the tears glistening in the background of their eyes
Anticipating the eventual moment where I would turn to leave
Big classrooms
With some they knew
And some they didnt
But I would not leave
The door would slowly click shut
And I would look through the window in the door
Watching them hang their jackets up
Making sure that they didn’t glance back

They needed to know
That sometimes
You have to be scared
Because taking big steps is hard
But I would always be standing outside their classroom
Pressed against the wall
Listening for their call
They always thought I had left them
But I was waiting
I never left
I was there for them even if they didn’t know it
Ready to rush back in when the fear was too much
And seemed to be overwhelming

Later in life
They will have their own lives
Times when they need a reassuring word
And extra hug
It will be scary
They will think I am not there in that moment
As they deal with stress at work
Trying to figure out how to pay a bill
Or losing love and having their hearts broken
But I will always be outside their lives
Waiting for their call
I never stop listening
I will never stop stepping back into their life
To hold them as tight as ever
Kissing their cheeks
They will be taller
And wiser
And I will have more lines in my face
And a slower gait in my step
But they will always know that I was never truly gone
Just waiting in the hall
Outside their bedroom
Outside their classroom
Outside their lives
Just the way I’ve always done

The Plans I Make While Screaming Toward the Terra

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It’s where I am
There is no escape
No going back
Or second thoughts
Frightening as I cant help but think
I’m flesh and blood
A newly deputized superman
Zipping at 700 miles per hour
30 K above the heads
To the hum of the jet engines
Demanding orange juice and peanuts
Adjusting the air vent
And reclining my seat
I think too much
About free falls
Quickly ending
Like a rock dropping from the sky
Wanting to be prepared
For the eventuality

Wings bounce and flex
As the plane travels its empyrean highway
And I gaze upon noticeable stains
Where I think none should be
Crawling backwards on the wings
Like bleeding rust

I formulate plans
How quick could I turn off airplane mode
Sending a quick text before hitting the ground?
Has to be timed just right
Saving drafts for quick retrieval
I would have to fight the petrification
Of death in the form of hard terra
Screaming closer toward me
What if I was the only one who survived?
Would I be in a position to want to survive?
I wasn’t meant to fly
I’ve been told I’m pretty grounded
It seems unnatural
Like I’m cheating
Taking the easy way out
As I cross the nation
But I enjoy the convenience
Of skipping a two days ride
For a meal in the sky
And a quick nap

Once the wheels hit the ground
I act as if
The butterflies never fluttered
My knuckles were never white
Gripping arm rests
It beats the time restraints
Imposed while traveling by car
Watching the lines on the road
Ever steady
So here I am
Strapped onto rockets
It’s where I am
With no escape
No turning back
I will join the 21st century
Like every other grown man and woman
Wearing my best sweat pants and flip flops
Clinging to my neck pillow

Just don’t ask me to be comfortable with it.